while I rant a tid bit.
I don’t mean to be selfish or ungrateful for anything that my parents have done for me over the past years of my life, but there are just some things that seem utterly frustrating. I have 4 days until I graduate and only 20 until I move half-way across the country. If that is enough time to say all of my goodbyes, then my name is fucking Jesus. So thanks for that. I know I said it was ok, but I didn’t think that it would be this hard honestly.
I am going to college in the fall anyway and I won’t know any one, but to top it off, I am going to have three months prior to that, spent alone in my room, and trying to find rides to work. I hate not having a car. I shouldn’t live in a world where I feel forced to have a source of transportation, or where people automatically assume that you have a car because everyone in this fucking small ass town has a fucking mustang convertible when they turn twelve. Fuck all of you. I want a shitty truck that I can name and work on with my friends, lay on the hood and stare at the stars in the middle of a field, not to mention drive to fucking school for all these bullshit activities that I “have” to do. FUCK YOU. IM DONE WITH FUCKING HIGH SCHOOL AND YOU CANNOT MAKE ME DO JACK SHIT.
I get it, mom and dad. I don’t deserve a car because I don’t do anything and I’m a lazy asshole who just constantly mooches off of the two of you. But if there is one thing I hate, it’s asking for favors from people. All of my friends have moved to places where it’s impossible to pick me up without wasting twenty miles worth of gas round trip, and it’s super fucking frustrating. I had to text everyone in my fucking contacts to find one friend who was not working, busy, or with their boyfriend, who THANK YOU MELISSA, took me to my therapy. Then, when I was almost done, my options were to hitchhike, or walk home across a fucking high way…but no, to add to my embarrassment, my fucking therapist had to drive me home. I don’t deserve a car, but people also don’t deserve to be used in order for me to get from place to place.
You guys want to buy me a lap top for college? buy me a car, same price, more use. I’ll buy myself a laptop when I can take more hours because I am more available for working more hours, making more money, and then I will pay you back every penny that you spent on the car, pay for insurance, and buy myself a laptop. How about that?
Goddamn it. I’m just so tired of being 18 and still feeling like I’m trapped in this house, that is no longer my home, filled to the brim with boxes and nothing but memories of my dad who I never get to see anymore. I just want to leave, but at the same time, leaving means saying goodbye. This is my rock, and the world is my hard place. somebody come fucking cut my arm off and pull me out. It would be greatly appreciated.
THE END.
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